Guest blog. (Clarice)

They went out to dinner and left the radio on 'to keep us company'. ...Oh please. .. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a very obtrusive noise which interferes with my sleep. And, to make it worse, the dog insists on singing along. And, to make it doubly worse, he gets the words wrong. For example:
The song Delta Blues is playing:
Dog: Now security did not see him,
They just hoovered round his tomb..
Me: HOvered. They hovered round his tomb.
Dog: What?
Me: The security people are hovering around Elvis's tomb.
Dog: No-o Clarice. See. They're like caretakers. They're cleaning around his tomb. They're being paid to do a job. who would pay them to just hover around?
Me: Oh, good grief.
Then Barbra Streisand comes on.
"Beeple", howls the dog, "Beeple who meet beeple"...
(!)
And in Killer Queen, he goes "Drubberband, she's as pretty as, faithful as a pussycat" and in Sailing by Christopher Cross, he sings "Gans can do miracles, just you wait and see". In Sacrifice by whatzisname, Phil Collins? Elton John? he sings "No teams to Danny, when jealousy burns." And in Yellowbrick Road he's completely lost ...."Going back to my plough", he sings "Back to the arf arf arf arf woods, Back to the arf arf arf, I finally decided my future...."etc. (And I have to listen to all of this.)

The peebles still persist in giving me revolting, testureless geriatric, (although I have all my teeth, thank you very much), mush to eat. It says 'Chicken' or 'Turkey' or 'Rabbit' on the pouches, but they all taste the same.(Though some are slightly more revolting than others.) Where are the little bones? Where are the gizzards ? And the blood? I'm pretty sure if I ever do manage to work out a way of getting into the cage of the dimwitted rabbit across the street, (Hopkins), he's going to taste a lot better than the so-called 'Gourmet Rabbit'.